Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
