I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize