I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
