I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
