you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
