I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
