So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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