Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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