Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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