The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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