People in love make me want to vomit
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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