i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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