i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
