so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
