oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
