Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
