Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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