I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
