I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize