i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
