I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
