Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
