That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
