Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
