dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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