I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
