ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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