I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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