If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
