i don't like sucking hair
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
