we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
