I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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