The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Randomize
