i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
