I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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