So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
