she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That accounts for only three of the penises
My breasts were aching with rage.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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