3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you win again, gameday.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
