you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
