I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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