my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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