I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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