a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
