After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
