Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
