Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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