Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
