Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize