The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
