I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize