She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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