I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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