I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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