People with herpes should wear stickers.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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