Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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