I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
