2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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