I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
