There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
