I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
