Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
