well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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