Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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