I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she peed on how many people?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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